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Lesson 4 from ten years in business
This one took me longer to understand than I would like to admit.
And I say that as someone who has built an entire business around thinking differently. You would think it would have clicked sooner. It did not.
Because the thing about people who think differently is that we can be just as rigid about our way of doing things as anyone else. Maybe more so.
We see the unconventional path clearly, we back ourselves to take it, and then we expect everyone else to take it the same way we would.
Which is, when you say it out loud, a little bit funny.
Where this shows up in business
It tends to show up most in collaboration and in teams.
Someone approaches a project differently than you would. They structure it differently, communicate it differently, get to the outcome via a completely different route.
And the instinctive response, if you are not careful, is to assume that different means wrong. It does not.
Different means different.
If the outcome is right, and the process to get there is ethical and considered, then the fact that it does not look like your way of doing things is not a problem. It is just variety. And variety, as it turns out, is where a lot of the best ideas come from.
I have worked with people who approached strategy in ways I would never have chosen, and produced results I genuinely admired. I have watched clients solve problems in ways I would not have thought to suggest, and get exactly where they needed to go. And every time that happened, it was a reminder that my way is one way. Not the only way.
The control problem
There is usually a control instinct underneath the discomfort with different.
If something is done differently, you cannot predict it as easily. You cannot oversee it as neatly. You lose a little bit of the certainty that comes with knowing exactly how something is going to unfold.
And for people who like order, strategy, and a clear plan, that can feel genuinely uncomfortable.
But here is what I have learned.
Holding on too tightly to how something gets done often gets in the way of what actually gets done. When you release the grip on the process and focus on the outcome, things open up.
Better ideas come in and people do their best work. Collaboration becomes actual collaboration rather than delegated execution.
Letting go of the need to control every step was one of the more significant shifts I made as a marketer and consultant, and it changed a lot about how I work with people.
What this means for marketing
In marketing, this shows up in a specific and important way.
There is no single right way to market a business. There are principles, yes. There is strategy, absolutely. But the idea that every business should be on the same platforms, producing the same content, following the same formula, is one of the most limiting beliefs I see in small business marketing.
Different industries, different audiences, different personalities, and different businesses need different approaches.
What works brilliantly for one business might be completely wrong for another. And sometimes the most effective marketing strategy is the one that looks nothing like what everyone else in the industry is doing.
Different, in marketing, is often exactly the point.
How to actually do it
1. Separate process from outcome.
When someone does something differently than you would, ask yourself whether the outcome is still sound. If yes, let the process be theirs.
Your job is to care about results, not to enforce a particular route to them.
2. Get curious about approaches that are not yours.
Instead of defaulting to this is not how I would do it, try asking why they approached it that way.
You will either understand something new, or you will have a more informed conversation about why a different approach might serve better.
3. Notice where your rigidity is actually about control.
This one requires honesty.
When you feel resistance to someone doing something differently, ask yourself whether the resistance is about quality and outcomes, or about comfort and familiarity. They are not the same thing.
4. Use AI to pressure test your assumptions.
If you are convinced your way is the right way on something, try prompting an AI tool to argue the other side.
Ask it to make the case for a different approach. Ask it what you might be missing. It will not always change your mind, but it will make sure your position is based on reasoning rather than habit.
Your action this week
Think about a situation in your business where you have been resistant to someone doing something differently than you would. A team member, a collaborator, a supplier.
Ask yourself honestly, is the outcome being compromised, or just the method? If it is just the method, consider loosening the grip this week and see what happens.
If your marketing has always been done a certain way and you are not sure it is actually working, sometimes a fresh perspective is exactly what is needed. I look at marketing differently by design, and that tends to produce strategies that actually fit the business rather than just following the formula. Get in touch here.
This is part of a series expanding on the lessons from ten years of running Starfish.
Lesson 1: Do what you say you will
Lesson 2: Do not put a lit pipe in your pocket
Lesson 3: Empathy can be learned
Next up: Lesson 5, curiosity beats assumption.
Frequently Asked Questions about being different in business
Does doing things differently in business actually produce better results?
It can, and often does, but the key is that different for its own sake is not the goal. The goal is finding the approach that actually fits your business, your audience, and your context, even if that looks nothing like the conventional path. In marketing especially, businesses that do what everyone else is doing tend to blend in. The ones that approach things differently, with a clear strategy behind it, tend to stand out. Different is most powerful when it is intentional rather than accidental.
How do you balance having standards with allowing others to do things their way?
The distinction that helps most here is separating non-negotiables from preferences. Non-negotiables are things like ethics, quality of outcome, and agreed standards. Preferences are things like the order in which tasks are completed, the communication style used along the way, or the specific tools someone uses to get there. Holding firm on non-negotiables is entirely reasonable. Trying to enforce preferences as though they are non-negotiables is where collaboration breaks down. Getting clear on which is which makes the balance much easier to maintain.
Why do small businesses often feel pressure to market the same way as everyone else in their industry?
A lot of it comes down to uncertainty. When you are not sure what will work, looking at what others are doing feels like a safer bet. The problem is that copying the industry norm means you look like everyone else, which makes it harder for your ideal clients to see why they should choose you specifically. The most effective marketing for a small business is almost always the kind that reflects what is genuinely distinctive about that business, its values, its personality, its point of view. That rarely looks exactly like what the competitors are doing.
